Anomalies detected at CERN's Large Hadron Collider

Anomalies were detected at CERN's LHC after a routine run to check the viability of a new transformer design installed on Monday. After 4 minutes the collider refused to respond to commands to shut down and emergency procedures were enacted. Once the collider was non-operational, the computer network was reported as “compromised.” Symptoms include the sudden disappearance and reappearance of user accounts and storage sizes reported as “ectobytes.” Outside interference has been ruled out but the collider will remain powered down until the new transformers, based on the radical new Hollyfeld-Knight design is re-evaluated.

 

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